Flushed Away...

So I went to Wal-Mart the other day for some Christmas shopping. When all of the sudden, that sudden unavoidable urge to use the bathroom struck. Has anyone else ever sat down in front of those self-flushing toilets and wondered, "who the hell invented these?" Now why I am fully for these things at the urinal, I'm completely against them in the stalls. The damn thing flushed before I even sat down. Now, apparently, according to the genius who invented these, I do not sit on the toilet correctly. And how do I know that? Because that thing must have flushed 10-12 times while I was sitting there, and trust me, this was no marathon dump, 4-5 minutes tops. Now, I am a huge fan of the courtesy flush, but 8-9 of them in the matter of 2 minutes, the other people in the bathroom must have been starting to wonder about me. Ok, so I can deal with the 50 flushes, whatever... but what to my surprise? Every time it flushes, my ass gets wet from the splashing swirling water.

So, what now you ask? Easy. Don't take a dump at any establishment with automatic stall flushers (I'm not just talking about Wal-Mart, this happens at nearly all the stalls I've dumped in with auto flush). However, IF, and only IF, you must crap at these places, go to any sales rack that has a sticker or tape, remove said sticker, and apply it to the wall behind you over the sensor, and proceed to do your business. Then, if a courtesy flush is in order, simply lift the tab allow to flush. This simple method allows you to control the flushing of those turbo jet powered flushers, keeping your butt dry and other patrons in the dark about how large your turd is (or what they perceive it to be). It also helps the local sewage plant. Think about it, every time that toilet flushed 3.1 gallons of toilet water was forced through the sewer to the treatment plant (and most of it was already clean water!)

HAPPY POOPING!