Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday today to at least 3 people I know (well 2 I know, 1 I'm glad I don't...) AK-34 (one of the stronger people I know), APB-30 and a big shout out to Britney Spears- 29 today, going on 45. Ah, the days of high school have long since past, as have Britney's good looks. I blame her parents (and the paparazzi) for driving her crazy. She never wanted to be that kind of celebrity. She was just a quiet girl from Louisiana who wanted nothing more than to have the finer things in life (1) an 18-hour marriage, (2) a toxic relationship with K-Fed, (3) a lifetime supply of Xanax and another coupon to Best Cuts, (4) Traffic tickets for allowing her newborn to sit on her lap while driving and drinking a Wendy's Frosty after a nice lunch at KFC, (5) to share her roast beef sandwich with the world.
Is she still a multi-gazillionaire? If so, that is a travesty! I once read that she used to spend over $75,000 a month on house mortgages...A MONTH! Why do we hard working, intelligent people barely make that a year? I blame... my parents... for not subjecting me to the ever-so-popular world of child stardom. A life where everyone was trying to get a piece of me. Just think, you guys could have been reading about me (1) a womanizer with 3 kids from 3 different mothers and a scorching case of herpes, (2) me walking on a beach shoving handfuls of french fries in my mouth and squirting the ketchup right in Tommy Boy style , (3) wrecking my Maserati in the California Hills with a needle in every available vein, (4) Riding shotgun with dudes from the Jersey Shore, (5) my mansack flappin in the wind after passing out outside a tranny bar in Van Nuys. Well, at least I can thank my lucky stars for one thing after this post, and that is the fact that my parents just let me be who I was... a kid

Kudos to those of you who noticed there 7, thats right 7 Britney Spears Hit Singles located somewhere in this post. Leave a comment with your guesses. Be the first to identify all 7 and get a personalized blogpost in your name!